So: your name has been slandered. Now what?
How do you deal with the emotional consequences, of having your name running in peoples’ mouths, in an unfair way?
Being targeted to slander hits you in a very personal way.
And it's no use looking mean out there and falling apart inside.
And drowning in shame or adopting a victim mindset? Run away from that: it’s a slow death, from the inside.
Developing resilience to a core level is key. And if along the journey you manage to continue to have a clean soul without bitterness: that is much more than a victory over slander.
It is a victory over yourself, over an ego that was once fragile.
How to deal, emotionally, with slander?
How to emotionally deal with the slander mess?
Is no easy task, this must be said. Inner struggles that nobody knows, except the one who experienced the same or something similar.
It affects every aspect of your life: work, family, friends, finances… Everything.
Even the relationship with yourself.
It might even affect your mental and physical health, due to the levels of stress, if they are not well managed.
That’s why is so important to build resilience. Inner strength.
If your reputation has been damaged, one thing is for sure: the other peoples’ perception of you changes. A lot.
On the other hand, something even more dangerous may eventually happen: that is if it contaminates the perception you have of yourself if you start to see yourself in a poor way.
If the events prevent you from seeing yourself as a valuable person, and eventually evolve into some sort of chronic shame, or put you in a victim mindset: it will not allow you to create and grow in many aspects of your life.
Some people eventually develop social anxiety, depression, or other mental disorders.
In these cases, it may be useful to consider the need to search for professional help, and psychological therapy.
If you think you can manage the crisis on your own, here are some aspects to be considered, so you won’t get scattered and help you build inner strength.
#1 Accept of the facts
Accept the fact that damage has been done to your image.
One thing you have to be ok with: you can’t control how others feel or say.
Your greatest power lies in the control you have over yourself and your perception of yourself.
The first thing to do is stop wasting energy on changing people's minds about what they think about you.
That energy must be addressed elsewhere.
That doesn’t mean there’s nothing left to do. Au contraire, my friend: you have to do the work on yourself.
Yes: work on yourself to upgrade in skills, in self-confidence. Become psychologically resilient. Being a target of slander is not for amateurs: you have to become a pro on resilience.
#2 Acknowldege your feelings
And validate them. You have all right to be angry, your life has been turned upside down.
But give a step back and see the situation from a broader perspective. Acknowledging your feelings of anger is one thing.
Acting from these low vibrational energies is a whole other thing.
You have enough drama in your life: there’s no need to throw oil on the fire and compound the problems, with your aid.
You do have the right to feel angry, outraged, and hurt.
Don’t pretend that you don’t feel what you feel: it will only build, into a bigger thing. And it will eat you alive (implode) or destroy everything around you (explode).
Acknowledge your feelings. And cry if you might, do some art, do some sports: to transmute all that energy. Knowing why you are doing so: because you are angry and have the right to be.
#3 Become intimate with yourslef: learn how to meditate
This is key.
At some point in the slandering, if it’s “well done” and has some truth in it: you are going to question yourself.
And this is that crucial point where you can turn insane or stay grounded. You’ll only manage to stay grounded if you know who you are and what you stand for.
The best way to do it is through meditation and/or practicing breathwork techniques. You’ll tap in with yourself.
Meditation will help you in that inner discovery, in case you don’t have emotional strong foundations.
Besides: the whole slandering situation puts you in such stress levels, on daily basis, that it will certainly interfere with your sleeping patterns and overall health condition.
That’s why meditation/breathwork becomes such an important defense “weapon” for your mental and physical health.
Do you get insulted every day? In subtle ways, which makes it more outrageous? You have to clean up your mind and soul off the dirt every day.
Every day. Just like brushing your teeth.
It becomes easy to separate what is real and what isn’t.
It becomes easier to detach what people are saying from who you really are.
You don’t want to become your haters’ most supportive person and start hating on yourself, right?
#4 Avoid shooting in the dark
It may be the case that you can not identify the person who is spreading the rumors.
May be s more than one.
Maybe a dense mass of people.
You just see the smoke, you can’t see where is the fire, and yet: it burns like hell. And the air is way too intoxicating.
You feel the heat. You breathe the smoke.
What are you going to do? Start shooting into the dark, in this fog?
Start a riot against the unknown masses and create more drama in your life.
You get off the heat.
You get off the intoxicating atmosphere.
#5 Cease comunication with toxic people
If you can identify the toxic people: cease communication with them.
Yes, it’s difficult to do it at work: but it’s not impossible. Stick to the essential.
#6 Forgive the slanderer
That’s right: forgive the slanderer.
What happens if you don’t forgive? You are living 24/7 with the filthy one on your mind. You don’t realize it but you even sleep with that one. Do you really want that? Do you really want to pay honor to someone who does not deserve your respect?
The best thing to do is forgive them for feeling jealous, envious, or inferior to you in some way, otherwise, they wouldn´t want to belittle you. Forgive them.
And do it for you. Because among all the problems that might have been caused: you deserve to have peace. You deserve o sleep with the mind of people who love you and respect you.
Detach yourself from the temptation of revenge: it is a loop of negative attachment.
Getting justice is another thing and is not the subject here.
Revenge? Brings nothing good. It’s kind of a mental self-rape, some sort of mental self-mutilation.
#7 Avoid compansate with overwork
That should be avoided because it can be an opening door to burnout.
Might be tempting to compensate for any financial losses or even to avoid thinking or dealing with the slandering environment.
But overworking is a no-go.
Nevertheless: make sure that what you do is well done. So no one can point a finger at the quality of your work. But don’t overwork.
Guard yourself, guard your mental health. Guard your physical health
#8 Make sure shat at least One Person is By Your Side: YOU.
Yes. Walk straight and proud, confident that you know who you are.
If it’s lies that are being told: don’t accept them as being true.
There’s no need to walk in shame with shoulders down, bowed head, and lowered eyes.
And if you did some self-reflection and found that there are improvements to be done in your attitude/behavior: correct what needs to be improved.
And there’s no need to walk in shame either.
On a daily basis. If there’s no one else there to love you: you will be there for yourself.
How do you do it? Through your self-talk, through acknowledging the things you love about yourself – personal traits, physical characteristics. Tell yourself that you love yourself: in the mirror.
As you would to someone you love so much. Every day. It works.
If you have a support system – psychological support, trustworthy friends, or trustworthy family members - use that sport.
Just make sure that at least one person is by your side: you.
You are worth fighting for. Just become your best friend.
It won’t solve all problems, but it’ll make you see things clearer, and then: you’ll be in better conditions to find better solutions to your problems.
Getting Better Every Day
References and Related Posts:
Hey! I'm Eunice Veloso and you'll find more about me on my About Page
Antoine Lavoisier, 1789
The Law of the Conservation of Mass