What are you actually attracting? Have you ever stopped to think it through?
The magic about life is the good, pleasant surprises (unexpected) and the positive outcomes of our achieved goals (planned). The unexpected and expected good things.
The bad side of life is the unexpected misfortunes or seeing Murphy's Law materialized with you in the center of it:
“If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.”
(This is the original version of one of Murphy’s Law, but it’s most common to hear: If anything can go wrong, it will”)
Yes, you can influence people.
No: you can not have total control over what other people think, feel, or do.
Unless you put them under some sort of hypnosis state. Let’s exclude this possibility.
Is not that we’re here talking about the law of attraction, but let's agree that everything that exists is made of particles.
And particles hold energy.
If we consider the human being is made of matter and spirit (the conscious mind, the unconscious mind, the subconscious mind, and the spark we call soul): then we’re adding more parts to the equation.
Yet: still energy.
If you are energy, you have an energy field.
What is that energetic field (you) attracting?
What are you actually attracting?
Lets take a pic on the past, not to reminisce, nor self inflict pain: but to learn from it.
Some things hurt, and others are pure bliss (or almost).
Some caught you completely off guard. Others: you saw it coming or even went after it.
Now you’re an adult, you have “data”.
Then: use that data just as good marketers would, just as artificial intelligence could: to have some control over your outcomes.
Even if you can’t control every facet of the future (especially when it involves others) you have some saying in your own future.
Maybe you don’t understand and integrate everything now, but you can at least identify what you have right now.
And what you have right now is a consequence of your past choices.
We’re not talking of tragedies or other situations that may have caused trauma and were far beyond your control.
Some difficult situations may be emotionally crippling and induce you into conditioned behavior or compromise your decision-making in a very biased way.
Such cases should be addressed with the help pf help of psychologic therapist professional.
If your life tastes like Paradise: just keep on doing what you are doing.
If your life feels a bit like the first part of Dante’s Devine Comedy (Hell): then you have to do some things differently.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
What is it you have now, that you don’t want it to repeat in the future?
These are the only reason to revisit the past that becomes helpful: to see what was your role in the “bad twist of fate”.
And learn. And don’t repeat.
Because if you don’t learn the lesson. You will repeat the same mistake. On and on, and on. Until you learn,
Regretting is useless, completely sterile: it won’t bread anything from there, it will lead you nowhere. You can not change anything in the past.
The useful approach is understanding the “Why” behind the things that were under your control. Ask yourself these questions:
- Did I put my best interest first, or was I just trying to please others?
- Did I respect my core values?
- Did I make decisions based on impulses (impulse differs a lot from intuition), without approaching the situation thoroughly or considering any possible future negative impacts?
- Did I procrastinate too much in taking action in some unfruitful situation, that should have been addressed more assertively?
- Did I jump to conclusions and misjudge people or situations, whether that was poorly or overvaluing, leading to poor decisions?
- Did I ignore gut feeling (intuition based on knowledge stored in your body)
- Did I get overwhelmed by fear of something, due to past trauma, and jumped into the “wolf’s arms for rescue, shelter, and safety”?
- Did I make a decision driven by fear instead of driven by intent/purpose/passion?
Those are just examples of questions you might want to ask yourself.
Because your answer to them will tell you what are the things you need to improve in yourself: so you can decide better.
This improvement will prevent you from addressing the situation in the same way you did before. This consequently will result in different outcomes when facing similar situations.
Identifying partial responsability in the outcomes
When you clearly identify your responsibility in some outcomes: you can address them.
For the examples given, the most obvious responsibilities would be self-esteem issues, integrity; not controlling fear, being misled by appearances, doing a superficial analysis of situations, and self-confidence issues (not trusting yourself, your gut).
You’ll find that those are all skills or lack of them. And you can learn any skill you set your mind to learn.
Nothing in there that you can say: ” that’s the way I am” … And do nothing about it.
You can't change the year you were born. You can’t change your biological relatives. Those are immutable things.
As to anything else: you can improve yourself or change the perspective you look at things.
And that might be the beginning of acting differently, and acting differently will bring different outcomes, and will certainly bring a different future.
Utopia and Congruency: what you deeply believe in, what you want, how you feel, how you act. The match point.
Easier said than done? Certainly. But worth doing it. Or die trying.
It’s better than repeating cycles of hell.
The goal here is to find some congruence. Hell yeah, we’re human beings, many paradoxes, contradictory influences… Might be hard as f*ck.
But when we reach a point where we see that we’re in a loop, we’re only repeating patterns, having the same sh*tty situations over and over again, and we see that the only thing that changes are the “actors”, the intervenients: yet, the film is always the same. Then we have to put a stick on the gear, to interrupt that unpleasant cycle.
How do we find that?
Getting to the match point. The match point of congruence. Where there is a match between:
- What you deeply believe in
- How you feel about it
- What you want
- How you act.
Sounds like utopia?
In the harmony of those 4 items lies inner peace, personal and material achievement, and happiness.
It sounds like a utopia…
Well, if the alternative is numbing life and feeling no joy in almost anything (enduring in Dante's Inferno): it is worth doing it, it is worth reaching out for utopia.
You’ll fight, you'll face challenges, you’ll face defeats. But then you’ll have the other side of the coin: you have the bliss. More often the n you could have imagined. And life makes sense, and has deep meaning.
So: what are you actually attracting?
Even those people you find awful and you don't understand how come they got in your life: they entered your life so you could learn some lesson about yourself, something that at some point exists inside yourself, even if it was the other side of the coin.
Many times the correlation is not direct. It is not that if they are crooks, that you had to be a crook to attract them into your life. No: maybe you just had to learn how to deal with scammers.
What are you are attracting? You ar attracting your rooted fears, your strongest passions, your growth lessons.
Do you have some big hidden fear?
Don’t muffle the fear: acknowledge it exists.
And dismantle it: it will lose strength. Try to understand where it comes from. Does it represent a real danger? Or are you fearing that a lion might show up on the corner of 5th avenue?
Next thing you know a lion runs away from the zoo, and guess what? Wild life is running free in town and your biggest fear is coming to fruition… Just kidding and yet maybe not.
The thing is: don’t let your fears become your energetic signature, because you will attract that.
Gabor Maté says that some coping mechanisms are learned during our embroidery stage when the brain circuitry is being formed. And we feel all our mother’s emotions and we develop coping mechanisms to survive to her pain.
Some fears are inherited. Not even ours. Just learned behavior. They just represent a burden for you to carry.
So you might as well know what your fears are: dismantle them, so they lose strength.
Strong emotions are key here. You attract what strongly moves you.
It might be your passion.
Might be a fear.
Might be anger, or jealousy.
Whatever your emotions are focused on that’s what you are attracting to yourself. Even if you’re thinking and wishing that on to someone else.
What are you actually attracting?
You are attracting who you are becoming.
And who are you becoming?
You are becoming all the little choices of things you choose to do, every day.
You are becoming your most profound and strongest passions when you allow your desires to drive your actions.
You are becoming the subconscious fears you carry. Get rid of those. On your own or with help if needed.
Because you are attracting who you are becoming.
Make sure that you control what’s yours to control: you, your aims, your fears, your emotions.
Getting Better Every Day
Hey! I'm Eunice Veloso and you'll find more about me on my About Page
Antoine Lavoisier, 1789
The Law of the Conservation of Mass