Maybe you have to stand your ground because you feel like you have a mountain to move.
Let us say that sometimes the mountain to move, is inside of you.
And when you are your best enemy, some people might come to help you, to dig a bigger hole.
That’s when you have to stand your ground and become your best friend.
2. When You're Your Best Enemy, Lots Of People Come Help: To Dig A Bigger Hole
2.1 Scavangers “love” you when you are your best enemy.
Some people just have the scavenger spirit: they seem to come to help you when you’re in destruction mode, just to go there and watch you suffer and feed on your broken pieces.
They seem to have an ultra keen sense to smell your fears, your fragilities, your “weaknesses”: and instead of help – as they appear to show, they feed on it. They help you dig a hole so you can bury yourself in it.
That was a metaphor of course.
When are you your best enemy?
When instead of dealing with your deepest fears, instead of working in your emotional fragilities: you hide from them.
You mask them with something else, entertainment. You distract yourself with other things, to avoid the pain.
And that’s when your “savior” shows up: to help you dig a bigger hole.
Of course, life is not just about these people – see them as people who come into your life to teach you a lesson about yourself: you’ll come out of it even stronger.
How do you do that? By removing the fog and standing on your ground.
3. Removing The Fog and Standing Your Ground
Removing the fog is done if you learn the lesson properly from the scavenger in your life. And the lesson normally is self-love. When you really start loving yourself: you’ll feed them no more.
Standing on your ground will prevent you from letting this kind of people get into your life, in repeated shapes or forms.
So first thing to do is analyze. The situation, the thing that’s feeding them, and how they’ve tried to break you even more.
Then take measures to fix that, within you. Get professional help if needed.
You are worthy of fulfilling, loving, and rewarding relationships.
And defend what is rightfully yours: to stand your ground.
3.1 Standing your ground
This starts with taking ownership: of you. Take ownership of your life lesson.
Be grateful to them, for this fact only: for teaching you a lesson about yourself. And after the lesson’s learned: no bitterness, no anger, just strength born out of self-love.
But how do you get there?
Let’s go back a little: life is not just about those people, the scavengers, the vampires… There are nice people too. Meaningful people.
But life changes all the time.
And, regardless of what people mean to you, along your journey, one character remains as central and is always there: YOU.
Even the nicest people have their own sh*t to go through and put together.
And time may come when you literary have a mountain to move. And you have to face it alone.
Or sort of: because if you become your best friend, you are never alone.
The most accountable thing you can do for yourself? Is to become your best friend.
Always. No matter what.
You can have a mountain to move: and you still can count on your best friend - YOU.
4. Have This Mountain to Move? Become Your Best Friend And You’ll Move It
Let’s suppose you’ve come to terms with one fact: you need to make that life-changing, that feels like a mountain to move.
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.”
― Bob Marley
You’re hurt, disappointed, feeling emptiness, many things in your life have fallen into ruins. You’re tired of the cycle of confusion and chaos.
But giving up is out of the question.
Where do you start?
Most of the time we, human beings, cling to do what we already know how to do.
Even if it means perpetuating cycles that no longer serve us, or self-destructive patterned behaviors that come along with pain and misery.
But if we do constantly things the same way… You know what they say and it’s true: you’ll always come to the same results.
That’s the time you say: no. No more of that sh*t. Thanks, but no thanks.
And it takes courage and persistence to make the necessary changes.
But what else can you do, when hell is not your place?
When you’ve come to the conclusion that you deserve better people around you when you already believe that you are worthy of love and abundance in many forms?
You have to start to be the “better people around you”: you have to become your best friend.
4.1 Become Your Best Friend: Best-Friend Rules
What are the things that you wish for, in a best friend?
Well: those are the exact things you’ll have to become to yourself.
Lets’ make up these rules, which obviously aren’t rules. But they certainly serve as guidance points, pillars, to help you get a bulletproof relationship with this friend of yours: you!
And will also shield you off from toxic scavengers type relationships.
Pillar 1 - Spend time with yourself and enjoy solitude
If you don’t know how: learn.
It doesn’t mean you’ll have to become a lone wolf. No.
It just means you know how to enjoy yourself, by yourself, with yourself. Any time you need or want, you know how to go to “somewhere only we know”. Find out things that you can and enjoy doing alone. Writing, some handcraft hobby, anything that brings you peace with yourself: call it your “Me” time. Make time for that.
Pillar 2 – Get to know yourself in a deeper level.
Find what you really like (apart from others’ expectations), learn what truly moves you (what puts light in your eyes, that fire from soul’s joy), identify what triggers you (in a good or bad way).
The more you know yourself, the more light you have to guide you.
And work on that: to treasure, nurture and grow. Or to work on improving.
Pillar 3 – Be supportive to yourself
Listen to your body: to learn what is it your body responds. It is a real emotion of yours, or an implanted one; if It comes from a good or bad learned habit. Your body will be your first teacher. It will tell the many of the changes you’ll need to endeavor when change is needed.
Learn to observe your thoughts. Weird: but that’s what it is. Your thoughts are you inner talk/language you have with yourself. Watch your language with yourself: how many times you call yourself “stupid”, how many times you say “impossible” How many times you say “I can’t”?
Sometimes we’re so used to disapproving and discouraging ourselves, that we don’t realize we’re acting as an enemy does. Those thoughts are always bringing you down and making you feel like sh*t?
Cut that off and shift into thoughts that bring out the best qualities in you: like best friends do.
Pillar 4 – You are worthy.
Quite frankly? Who needs a friend that doesn’t value us? Nobody.
Like Cobain would say: love myself better than you”. You better learn with Cobain.
So if you don’t by now, start believing you are worthy: and treat yourself as someone who is.
There’s work to be done to improve yourself as a person? Do it.
You are worth the improvement. Don’t settle for less.
Pillar 5- Be honest with yourself.
You don’t appreciate cheating from others: you cannot accept deceit from yourself.
It is the worst kind of cheating.
Even if it’s dark and shady: accept it and work from there. Instead of self-punishing: work to self-improve it.
Pillar 6 – Your good traits: Recognize them. Celebrate them. Nurture them.
Don’t be expecting others to validate your positive traits. Sometimes they don’t even perceive them. Not needed: learn to know your worth. And appreciate it. And value it.
There would be one more pillar, but is basically the sum of all pillars together: to have unconditional love for yourself.
Nobody is perfect. That doesn’t mean you have to be condescending with your worst traits.
But it does mean that you love yourself no matter what.
Love yourself enough to help yourself grow.
Love yourself enough to search for help, when needed. Just like you would advise someone you truly love.
When you develop a loving relationship with yourself you realize the following:
. you become a happier person, gradually. Because you learn how to shift into happy-mode, real joy (not frivolous superficial or dopamine shots that vanish in seconds)
. you don’t depend so much on others, on the outside, to determine your mood. You get more control over yourself;
. your love is king: love from others comes as a bonus. But your love is already there.
And if life circumstances change, if friends change you can always count on you.
When you become friends with yourself: is for life. It’s worth it.
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Hey! I'm Eunice Veloso and you'll find more about me on my About Page
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