What do other people think about you, how important is that for you, how does affect your life?
Life. A small day-to-day episode, and suddenly I caught myself thinking of what a stranger (I don’t even know her name) would think of me. Small talk. Introduction small talk.
I have a small neighborhood grocery store a block away (200 m) from home. I have a hypermarket nearby (2000 km) from home.
The first I use to buy bread or when the list is small. The second one I use when the shopping list is big, and I have to carry more weight: I use the car.
A few days ago, I forgot to buy wine on the weekly grocery shopping. At home, we’re moderated, meal-wine consumers. Consistent.
Once we had no wine for our supper (ours is light, a hot soup, and I enjoy a little cheese with red wine, chocolate with red wine….) So I decided to go to the grocery next door. Just to buy that.
The lady that attended me is accustomed to seeing me buying bread, or fruits, or vegetables. Not wine. Cause I normally don’t buy it there.
I brought 3 bottles of a reasonable wine, a reasonable price.
She couldn’t avoid the surprise and repeated my request (3?) just to make sure that she understood right.
In her face was written “surprise” all over. It was Friday. In my head, I completed my expression-reading of the lady with: so… you’re home-drunks… Who would imagine such…???
Up to this point was a me-story.
Now is about you.
How far do you let people go (running your life) when It comes to the question “What would they think of me?”
How many times did the “ What would they think of me” stopped you to begin some project, personal or professional?
Nobody is immune to what other people think. Of course, we all like to feel some point of approval, once in a while. A little pat on the shoulder saying: you did just fine. But you must not live only by this external input
Living by other people’s expectations, trying to please everybody – which is, as a matter of fact, improbable – is highly stressful, often leads to frustration, and might create severe problems related to anxiety. Explosive anxiety.
If you are interested to read more about Anxiety, check out this article: What is Anxiety …
The most important opinion about your life is supposed to be yours.
You must not decide – little or big decisions – based on “what would they think…” Unless you’re selling something, of course.
Whatever decision you make – or not make – in life, the consequences are yours.
Make sure the decisions are yours too. Glory and consequence will be yours.
If it doesn’t work well: there’s some emotional pain associated. You’ll have to heal the pain. You pick up the pieces, learn what you got to learn, and move on to the next step. And next step might be to reach the same goal. Or might be a mid-step that needs improving and doing it again, until you get it right.
Here is some guidance to help you stop the pain (click on the following link): How Can I Stop the Hurting
One thing is for sure: you´re the one who’s gonna have to bare . Whether is to change the situation, or possibly, change some aspect of your personality that doesn’t cope with your vision of you in the future.
If it works: you’ll have your glory. Celebrate It As Yours. Own it. Because you deserve.
Soft Tips to deal with what other people think about…
- Listen to who counts for you. But just listen. Then think if it’s fair to who you are. Then evaluate if it serves you, your purposes, your intents, your goals.
- It’s important that you know yourself. identify your values.
People grow, people change. Is normal that some values remain, others no longer serve. Take a time to identify them. Some are obvious, others kind of hidden.
- Only decide to take other’s opinions as yours if, and only if, you actually accept it. Or part of it. With 3D coherence: mind, heart, and body. Your thoughts agree, your heart says is right and your actions match. Coherence is the key here.
- Make sure you’re not violating your core values… Otherwise, even if you win what you aim to achieve, it won’t feel like a victory, cause it’ll be contaminated with guilt. And we know that guilt rotten you. Inside. I’m sure you don’t want that.
- In case of internal conflict? Measure benefits versus compromises. Is it balanced? Do you have to compromise too much? And the benefits might severely injure some of your core values? If so: then take the trash where it belongs: out.
- What other people think is a personal perspective of theirs: according to their beliefs, base on their personal experiences – sometimes very devious. Don’t take it personally after all, as Wayne Dyer would say….