Is easy to deal with appreciation. It’s not necessarily love and there’s a downside to it too.
Hate, on the other hand, is almost becoming a profession. How to deal with both when you’re the target? Self-love is the answer and it will protect you from insanity.
We’re all part of this world and together we form one. We’re all one: but we’re not the same.
And among the whole, there are the people whose hate is their primary form of expression.
People might not be hating all the time, but like everything in life, if you think about it too much, if you do it for long enough: it becomes a habit.
But let’s not focus on those you practice hate as a sport: we know you are not one, right?
So: how do you deal with hating people?
You find love.
Does it sound like too much “peace and love” crap? Not at all my dear, at all.
Because you might get contaminated.
Yeah is a disease. It causes diseases - physical and mental disorders.
And self-love is not only your best defense but also works as a weapon if needed.
Your self-love is your Thor hammer and your haters' kryptonite.
Where Does It Come, All The Hate?
Humm… We don’t know. We don’t have all the answers here.
But something is clear: if is hate a person expresses, is hate they carry inside. Is theirs.
And you don’t have to accept it as yours, just because they’re giving you their own personal trash.
Let us say someone triggers you: because that someone pulled a string that made you “play a song”. If the song you sing is hate…
That cord, that someone “pulled” is still yours.
So, when some shows hate on you (don’t find excuses and say that there’s a reason because many times it got nothing to do with reasoning or rational thought, is just a response): most likely they are responding to you because you pulled some of his/hers cords.
They are the ones who are being played. Something bothers them.
Most likely a mirror of their own shadows, something they lack and you have, something that you remind them of and they don't like it: is all about them. And comes as a limbic response (emotional).
Got nothing to do with reason or rational thought.
So the problem of who feels hate: starts where the hate originated. In them.
How can you get contaminated?
If you’re targeted you may start thinking that there’s something wrong with you. And start “making a cover for that song”: and start hating yourself.
Get out of there.
No: don’t think that you’re flawless. Nobody is. That’s not it.
But if someone is pointing out a flaw in you: it doesn’t have to be with hate.
If the intention is good and they really want to help you to be a better person: hate wouldn’t be needed there.
If the hate is there: is because there’s something that you trigger on them, they can’t handle how they feel about themselves. And go and project onto you.
You’re just being used as a scapegoat for their own self-hate, their own insecurities, their own character fragilities.
It can get you contaminated: it can lead you to think that if they hate you, you really must be unlovable, unworthy of respect, or of anything good in life. And go on a down loop of depression, for not feeling accepted.
Trust this: you don’t want to go down that road.
If you are starting to get contaminated: it’s time to reset and start your (mind) cleaning yourself from within.
Self-love and self-appreciation are key to this.
What About Appreciation: Is It All flowers? Or Do You Need To Be aware too?
It depends. From which side do you see appreciation?
If you show appreciation for the good things you have in life: you’re blessed. As many times of the day that you experience the appreciation. Basically is gratitude.
And it becomes like a magnet: you start to “see” more and more people, places, and things to feel appreciation for.
And you get to feel that state of joy plenty of moments a day.
The flip side of it? When you are the target of appreciation. As well as the hate emotion: it gets you addicted.
Without even noticing: you're in a trap. The people-pleaser trap: just to guarantee that you receive your “drug”.
You can become addicted to being appreciated by external sources: the dependency on external approval.
How Can Self-Love Be Your Best Defense?
We’re admitting that you are not the hater here.
So: how does self-love come as the best defense?
Because people who hate, tend to look at you and only search for things to justify their own personal hate (which often is hate from themselves that they nurture)…
They’ll take the flaws and turn them into gigantic cancer-mushrooms.
They’ll mix truths with lies to make the “story” more convincing.
They’ll pick their own miserable stories and tell them as if they’re yours…
At some point, you may start to try to understand their hate….
You might, at some point, try to understand their hate.
That’s a trap. Some might say to “walk in their shoes”…
Stop. Unless they are your friends. But then again: they wouldn’t be haters.
Don’t try to understand that much. The answer, probably, will be in their own traumas, possibly childhood trauma.
They might need professional help. Let them solve their own problems They’re supposed to be grown-ups.
Focus on Yourself
Instead of trying to understand why the hate: focus on yourself.
Sometimes you will recognize that you have some things in you need to address, improve, to be better at.
Do that: from a place of self-love, not from a place of having to prove anything to haters.
Work on yourself and be grateful to haters to help you be harder, better, and stronger.
Find ways to love yourslef: in a consistent and sustainable way, not a shalow one
Many times they will tell lies – most of those are just a miserable part of their own life story.
And they use it to slander your name and image, to isolate you, so that you feel lousy, undermined.
So that you feel as miserable as they do. Happy people bring joy to others, not hate.
Self-love comes as self-nurturing. It will give the necessary fury and peace (fúria e paz). It’s not pleasant to feel other people’s hate for you. But is even worst if you join the crowd and start hating on yourself.
Take time, every day, to exercise self-love, to show appreciation for yourself.
Get intimate with yourself, to make sure that you know your best qualities: acknowledge them. Everyday.
Your Joy: the haters cryptonite
One thing that hurts haters the most: your joy.
One thing that haters adore: taking away your joy.
Your joy feels like a slap in the face to the haters, or a punch in the stomach. It hurts them profoundly.
That’s why they make all efforts to take it away from you.
And that’s the same reason why you should protect it with bear claws. Your joy. That is your biggest treasure: make sure to protect it as gold. And “slap them in the face”, once in a while.
Mark these words: joy isn’t about material stuff. That causes envy too. But what really hurts them and they want to steal from you at all cost: is joy.
Theirs have been stolen a long time ago. They just want you to join the club of people who are hateful, bitter, and joyless.
In their head: “Who the f*ck do you think you are, to feel joy? Life’s hard young man/woman, let me give you a lesson about the hardships of life”.
… And the loop of hate is never done: there’s always something to hate.
Self love-will protect you from these people messing with your head.
Because you know and value who you are. Or at least: you know who you are not.
Sometimes the haters are identified and you have to communicate with them on a daily basis: they’re in your neighborhood, they’re in your job relations.
Not everybody likes you. You don't have to like everyone. Go through this article if you want to find some strategies to deal with people you deslike.
Other times the enemy is online, is anonymous, might even know you: and you can’t change or control what others say or think about you.
But you do, and must own yourself: you can control yourself.
In both cases, self-love is needed. In this case: self-love is vital.
Getting Better Every Day
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Hey! I'm Eunice Veloso and you'll find more about me on my About Page
Antoine Lavoisier, 1789
The Law of the Conservation of Mass