When Being Good is Better Than Being The Best: The Comparison Trap

Why being “Good” is better than being “The best”?

Because being “The best” puts you in a competitive comparison scenario and it’s always: frugal and temporary.

At some point, not very far, there’s someone that is the best” at something where you use to be the best.

What about being “Good”? Is that enough? Well, actually never is. To yourself.

Being good is a competition that needs no opponent: you are your own competition.

You’re going to keep on improving yourself – things are changing every day – to continue to be good at that something you want to consider yourself to be good at.

At the end of the day (of the week, of the year, of life) : being good at something is more fulfilling in the long run than being the best.

Being the best: is way too temporary.

So what do you want to be? Temporary or long-term?

1. The good

When you say being good sounds condescending, of little ambition, boring, naif, churchy…. Whatever. It all depends on how you see it.

And you can see it from the perspective of always improving yourself, to continue being good at… That’s growth. Inevitably. The next time around you are going to be better. In whatever area you dedicate yourself to.

You put energy into yourself to improving little by little, every day, and at the end of the day, when you look at the mirror you actually get to say: “Damn it, you are good”. No external approval is needed. The only approval needed to keep yourself going forward: is your own.

Being good at being you: puts you in a unique place with no competition at all.

2. The Best

Well, being the best demands an adversary, it demands an audience, and it demands approval from others. And that’s fine: enjoy your 5 minutes of fame.

You’re the most glamorous of your street? Next thing you know, a new neighbor is moving in and is 10 times more glamorous than you. And the podium ceases to be yours.

You’re the most efficient of your office? That ranking is at stake for any next employee that your boss hires.

You’re the most competent in your field of expertise? Wait until a more creative, ingenious, and dedicated figure shows up in your world…

Are you getting the idea? And we are only considering a restricted sphere… If the comparison is extended to the global spectrum… there is always someone better than you at anything.

That is the truth, this is being said not to diminish you, but to help you shift perspectives regarding competition out of context and the constant comparison that can be devastating.

The only way being “the best” makes sense is in the context of real competition: games, sports, and challenges.

“Let the best man win”

If you take that competitive energy into relationships: you’ll have no relationships, only adversaries.

Some men and women find it exciting to have people fighting for them… Because it gives them a sense of worth validation. If no one is fighting over them: then they feel like they have no value. Where that feeling exists there’s a huge need for self-love and self-worth work.

A person has to know his own value besides and despite what others give them.

Besides, when two people fight over a third person, normally has nothing to do with love.

Men are fighting to boost their own egos. It has nothing to do with that third person, but only what that third person represents to their ego.

Women are fighting to guarantee the provider (or the ego too). It isn’t about that third person “per si”: is about what that person can provide to them.

Normally has nothing to do with love, is about ego and appearances.

The thing is: we all like to receive love, right?

Being appreciated for who we are, and not solely for what we represent (a trophy in those cases).

3. The competition trap

Competition always involves comparison. And that’s fine. In a context where competition should take place, with rules defined, with fair play.

The bright side of competition? It makes you take out the best of yourself, bring out your best features, and overcome some of your perceived limitations.

Within a corporative context, research studies say that competition can motivate employees to put In more effort and achieve better results.

Nevertheless, when the competition takes place outside of its fair zone, it might trigger destructive emotions like jealousy, envy, anger, and frustration in case of loss.

And that’s a trap because it might lead to a place of “winning no matter what” even if it means losing yourself during the process in lies, cheating, and lack of ethics.

So choose your battles wisely.

Use discernment and a clear vision to see if it is a competition and whether you should enter or not. Not everything in life has to be a competition.

And most importantly, if you have to get into a “battle” make sure that you keep in mind your “why”, and why you got into it in the first place.

And keep yourself grounded.