Sometimes we catch ourselves thinking “Am I good enough ?” … Instead of comparing yourself to others, or expecting approval from others: just enter Phoenix Time.
(Note: Phoenix Time is a metaphor that alludes to the myth of the Phoenix-bird, that immolates itself and rebirth from the ashes)
Back to the subject, of questioning whether if you are enough…
That feeling, may not be the only reason, but often comes along with the natural human instinct of comparison (that derives from that old instinct of competition for survival, back in the cave-man-era).
Well: we don’t have to hunt to eat anymore. We don’t need to “kill the animal” or “the animal will kill us”. Not literally.
We’re not. But still, man engages in comparison.
1. Comparison, Recognition and External Approval
Today who hasn’t a web print or doesn’t’ show up on social media: is an unexisting individual that has no recognition, can’t be in any rank of comparison, how can he/she get external approval?
1.1 - Comparison
Everyone has their own comparison strategy:
a) Some people, feel so crushed by the supposed “competition” that no one else knows about, but themselves: and end up entering into self-pity, having a poor self-image. That undermines one’s self-esteem and may evolve into depression. If those feeling are systematic, they may lead to the trap of the victim -mentality, and eventuality these people will need professional help.
Click on the link to find out if you have any traits and how to overcome a victim mentality.
b) Others, by comparison, feel inferior to someone else and choose to undermine, damage his/her social image, and destroy the “enemy”, such a monster. So they can feel better with themselves.
c) Other people chose to compete with someone they consider, according to their own standards, as “worse” or “inferior”, so they can have the feeling of gaining over… Whatever…
d) And there are still some other people that actually do reverse engineering to that feeling of not “feeling enough” into some element of growth: they improve themselves. Whether by acquiring and learning new things or by modeling the subject of comparison. They Turn Comparison into Inspiration.
What do you compare? … Oh… The list doesn’t end:
- The hair, the hips size, the lovely kids and spouse, the professional conquers, fantastic holidays, suggested status quo, the brand clothes that suggest status, the car, etc, etc
- The title, the signs of good income, the girls conquered (in case of being male and single), … the looks, that voice, charming smile, that confidence… Is not just tangible features (sometimes people feel inferior because of a look you gave that guy...)
Is not being suggested here, that you face these feelings constantly. But it’s almost inevitable, that at least, once in a while you experience it: the so much perfection carousel in social media.
And you have to have ways to defend yourself, from this silent virus. A subtle suggestion in the media and your mind, and your perception does the rest of the “dirty work”.
And if the ego gets shaken when someone you know has a better job, makes more expensive holidays, the spouses more appealing, the girlfriend/boyfriend is more desirable, the children are more gifted…
And there you have, the beginning: the feeling of not being enough…
Everybody wants recognition.
Today the 5 minutes of fame can be found on social media: show up and you might stand out from the crowd. And if you do it for 5 minutes: there you have... your fame.
What about recognition? Recognition comes on a number of likes you get from social media exposure. There you have... your recognition.
1.3 External Approval
And the feeling of “not being” enough normally is based on the comparison. Based on the need for recognition from others. Based on exterior approval from others.
And then you go and fight to have whatever he/she has, so you can feel better with yourself at least on the tangible things. To get some recognition, peer up and get approval from your peers.
You get, you achieve, buy whatever is possible.
But still, you feel that you are not enough… Still the same frustration.
What if one would think from another perspective?
Has it crossed your mind that maybe, you’re simply feeling not being enough… to yourself?
You run to have to others have, you might even get it, might even receive applause. Comes with recognition from others, approval from the exterior, but still that in satisfaction in a few moments, hours, maybe even days after it comes again.
And it comes but from one place: You’re not getting approval from the self. From yourself. From your specific needs that aren’t met, simply because you don’t know what are they.
You use others' achievements as a compass to define your own.
But the outcome is: you are not feeling enough for yourself.
2. What Does It Mean To Be Enough?
What does it mean to be enough?
Some would say focus on others, do social work, focus on your qualities. Don’t be so self-involved. Be a giver.
It actually does miracles: serving others who need it.
But if you’re not feeling enough, you are in lack. And if you are in lack : you are giving pieces of you, a damaged you: you are not giving your best.
But just that, focusing on others: doesn’t solve it all. Might not just be enough…
And we go back to that word. Enough.
What being enough doesn’t mean:
a) You get to be lazy and not improve on your personal skills
b) You get to non-ambitions and have no desire for anything, material or non-material,
c) You get to get stuck where you are: that’s counter nature.
All these are counter-nature; nature demands growth, nature is about change and transformation, nature is all about vibration and vibration is movement.
The way I see it: every person is a world. With light and dark within. With imperfections. With life experiences through trial and error. With dreams. With sweet dreams.
You are a world. And within you exist everything you need to manifest into reality as the best version of yourself.
You just have to work with the tools you have. To stretch. To grow.
And you have all you need to do so. Including the capacity of wanting and dreaming. The other resources? You’ll find a way through people resources, knowledge, material resources.
But first, you have to find out what it is that your truest self wants, in order to fulfill those unique needs – which are particularly yours.
That involves a deep intimacy with yourself.
Intimacy to acknowledge your strengths, your weaknesses, your deepest desires.
And when you recognize what would you like to improve in you, in your life then… It’s probably time to rebirth. Or, in other words: it’s Phoenix Time!
3. Brief Sum On The Phoenix Time Or How To Get To “I Am Enough” State
A Phoenix is a legendary bird, associated with Greek mythology, but its origins are also attributed to Ancient Egypt.
The phoenix-bird only lives one at a time, for 500 years. And when it senses its ending, the phoenix burns itself on a pire and rises from the ashes to live another period.
You can ask now: what Phoenix has to do with self questioning if you are enough?
Well, supposing you are feeling that you are not enough, down inside you know you are not being the best version of yourself. Somehow at your own eyes, you feel that you could better. Not better than “A” or “B”. But better than you are today.
Maybe is time to rebirth, to be a little Phoenix, to reinvent yourself.
You don’t have to destroy or erase 30, 40, 50 years of living of course. Honor your path.
The path that leads you to where you are now: some pain, some struggle, and also victories and joy. I’m sure it has magical moments that are tattooed in your soul, good qualities that you develop through the years.
This path leads you to the person you are today: on the merge to make some improvement in yourself.
Reinvent yourself now.
Take some area in your life that isn’t quite right, you feel kind of unsatisfied, that you have “abandoned”, you haven’t been putting any effort, you haven’t been planting.
Any area: health, physical condition, learn a new skill, speak a new language, learn about Greek mythology, deepen relationships, take lessons to ride a horse, dedicate quality time to your family, create a family hobby – that all can participate like, mounting puzzle or building lego structures… Can be anything
Anything that will make you feel satisfied with yourself.
You can even go pick up things from the time before you were an adult before you started this commitment with satisfying society standards for success…
Schedule time (15 minutes a day, 1 hour per day, 3 hours per week): as a priority should. And treat it like a priority.
Challenge yourself to a 90-day commitment.
And that’s how you start reinventing yourself. It’s your Phoenix time.
Of course, the change can be bigger, the goal can be bigger.
But remember: in the long run small changes are more important. They will compound a big change.
4. Four Things To Keep In Mind To Maintain, Regularly, The “I Am Enough” State
Make sure that the expectations you have for yourself come from you, and not from friends, family, or media.
Do not allow that others expectations bring clouds on the way you perceive yourself
You are enough because of the simple fact that you exist is a blessing and, or an inspiration to someone.
You don't have to be perfect. Being real makes you unique, therefore: irreplaceable.
You are loved.
Getting Better Every Day
Hey! I'm Eunice Veloso and you'll find more about me on my About Page
Antoine Lavoisier, 1789
The Law of the Conservation of Mass
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