There are these crossroads in life when you have to make hard decisions.
Those moments in life you just know, how important they are: because they will determine the next round cycle of life.
And we all want the next life round to be awesome… It gets heavy and overwhelming, doesn’t it?
That weight of responsibility over your future.
On the other hand, taking accountability for our decisions, as adults: it’s better than passing that huge responsibility over to someone else's hands.
1. The crossroads in life: mindset has a big saying
We’re making choices all the time, even when it looks like we're not choosing anything, it always leads somewhere.
It’s still a choice done, in a passive way.
Small daily decisions, when you’re learning something new or acquiring a new habit, matter the most in the long run: by compound action, you get to huge changes. Small decisions and intentional actions lead to big and sustainable life changes.
But those crossroads…They carry a different weight: you just know that a choice has to be made, that it will have a major impact on your life trajectory…
Life is not like rolling dice: here there are 6 possible outcomes (per dice).
The possible outcomes in life are infinite. Some variables can be controlled, but other variables can not.
What makes the difference? The mindset.
- The mindset you are in when you decide.
- The mindset you carry yourself through the waves of life experiences life.
- The mindset you're in when you face setbacks.
- The mindset you're in when you appreciate your victories. Small or big.
1.1. “Mindset? What do you mean mindset?”
Mindset as in mental placement.
Let’s be more specific with examples.
- Deciding from a place of fear or anxiety
- Deciding from a place a revenge
- Deciding from a place absence, where you are not even considering yourself in the scenario.
- Deciding from a place of hopelessness.
It’s possible that there are more undesirable mental placements to make decisions when facing a crossroads: those are the more obvious.
# Deciding from a place of fear
Having fear is normal: it means you are conscious of any risks you might be taking into consideration: which makes you more able to make responsible choices.
Having fear of the unknown is also one of the biggest fears anyone faces. Just keep this in mind:
“Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you stuck in a bad situation. Make your faith bigger than your fear”
Patti Fagan
# Deciding from a place of revenge
Deciding and being based on revenge?
Well: if you do that, you are deciding to stay pegged to a person/situation for as long as you are feeding those feelings of revenge. It will consume you and you'll continue attached to "that thing".
Justice is another thing. Revenge? Nothing alive or fruitful comes out of it.
# Deciding from a place of absence
Deciding from a place of absence seems nonsense, but it happens a lot.
It happens when you make decisions and totally neglect yourself: your aims, your deepest desires, and your personal needs.
You’re only considering other people's perspectives.
Even when you make ego-based decisions, you may be absent from yourself.
The ego isn't necessarily a bad thing: as long is not just a projection of an image. If it's not just an identity created to ”show” to others. If it's somehow aligned with who you really are.
If your ego is solely a projected image of you and, you make decisions to sustain that ego: that is absence too. It may even be a not-so-obvious way of practicing self-abandonment, of not being committed to yourself, but to others.
# Deciding from a place of hopelessness
One thing is being realistic with facts that you have access to.
Another thing is having no hope.
Elevated emotions, like hope, put your mind in a better place to make decisions. Especially when you’re facing situations where the unknown has a strong presence in the equation.
If you're hoping for the worst: the worst will meet you along the way.
If you’re hoping for the best: the unpredictable will surprise you with fantastic things.
Always remember you are a co-creator of your life.
Some variables are out of your control – other people’s actions, thoughts, or even attitudes. But your dream, your vision, and the steps you take towards it: are entirely up to you.
If nothing else: have faith in yourself. And never give up on yourself.
2. What to consider when making hard decisions
We all have been through this: making tough decisions.
Sometimes we have it all figured out and it doesn’t go well.
Sometimes the outcome is even better than we’ve calculated.
But one thing is for sure, deciding over a situation about the material world, or profession related is not the same as when decisions from the heart.
Another thing is for sure: it always involves people. Even if you are choosing between shirts: you are involved in the process, and you are a person.
Assuming that you are not a clone or a robot: when making a decision, take your all body into consideration. Because, as we all know by now, your body processes your emotional experiences. All of them.
So, regardless if your decision was made by your rational mind, considering or not, your emotions: if results in strong emotions (stress might be an example): your body will store it.
Maybe it will be stored the same way for a long period of time or maybe not: it all depends on how you treat/process the emotion.
Take your decisions to another level: and integrate the whole that you are.
Nevertheless, this quote is priceless:
“Make the small decisions with your head and the big ones with your heart.”
~Emily Keith
2.1 Decisions of the matter
Whether are goals and/or job related, if you have a decision to make:
Research and gather informaton about it. Of course there are alwasy fak einfrmations in these days of infromation. Filter out, so that the decison comes ou froma a sustainable place.
Pick a pen and paper and write it down. Writing will help you organize the informations in the brain: analize the pros and cons.
For all the possible choices you might have, ask yourself if it fulfills your purpose.
If it doesn fulfill you pruporse- whatever it might be: that option is a waste of time, energy and resources. But the purpose must be clear in your mind. Your purpose, might be a professonal goal or a purpose’s of the corporation that your a part of.
Is the decision-prospect aligned the your values? And this is no small question. It makes all of the difference when you face challenges – and there are always challenges.
If, whatever you chose, is aligned with your values: it will be worth it. You won’t feel like you’w swmming against the grain, duelling with inner conflict or feeling as if you were betraying yourself. Because all you efforts are meaning full they serve a r prpose that you embrace.
Does the decision help you grow? Having growth in a material plane, it may be monetery , in skils or influence. The aim must always be growth, both professional and personal. Being is stuck is death, even if you are still breathing. Stagnancy such off life out of you. That’s were prefession and spiriuality cross paths: they are salso intertwined.
2.2 Decisions of the heart
It might be a little blurry. Because sometimes pure logic and limbic may enter into conflict but this self-inquiry might be useful:
# Are the situations aligned with your personal purposes?
Was mentioned above and it can also be used in this case.
# Is the situation aligned with your values?
Was mentioned previously it can also be used in this case
# Who are you doing this for?
This is crucial and critical.
Any decisions you make in your life affects directly the people you love: relatives, and friends. Those who matter. You can’t ignore them: you have to take them into consideration.
If they feel unhappy and you love them: you won’t feel good about yourself.
On the other side, if you are feeling unhappy and they truly love you: they won’t feel happy either.
That’s why reaching a consensus is important. But consense can not be a the expense of your own happiness.
You must always remember that you are the center of your universe. And the others should be the center of their universe.
Happiness in common (or unhappiness) lies where your lives cross.
So when you have to make a decision that affects others around you should always prioritize yourself.
Not in a shallow, selfish or childish way. From a place of love: love for yourself, love for others.
But it’s not as easy as said: not everyone is going to feel happy with your choices.
It takes emotional maturity to face the fact and be ok with that.
Remember that unhappy and frustrated people don’t bring happiness to anyone. And your happiness matters. You matter. And if you love somebody: set them free. If you don’t: set them free too. It goes both ways.
3.Theres no way to know how it would have been if you’ve chosen the other way around: be at peace with that
You can always go back to places. They just exist there.
But you can not go back to a particular conjunction of time, people, and context. That’s what makes some decisions hard to take.
Once you decide, there's no way to know how it would have been if you had chosen that other possibility. There's no way to go back to that exact conjunction of time, people, and context.
There is no way to know how it would have worked out, those other possibilities. Not in that same previous context, that you left behind. You’ll have to create new conjunction of time, people, and context. That will be another totally new decision and equally challenging.
So you have to be ok with that. You have to be a peace with that. That’s why is important to have your values back you up because they support you: it prevents future regrets.
4.There are no easy answers, but there’s an easier way
Let’s suppose you have done all the rational work (if it’s a decision of the matter), you believe that you're doing things for the right reason and thinking for your highest good but…
Still… Doubts, there’s some fear, something that is holding you back.
The answer might be in the silence. Too much noise in the head. During the day: noise in the mind. Going to bed: noise in the mind.
You will find self-confidence in silence. How do you do that?
- Close your eyes
- Focus on your breathing: make several long breaths (inhale for 4 times, retain air, for 4 times, exhale for 4 times), until a get to a low heart rate.
- And then listen to your heart. Literally: listen to the beating of your heart.
Just doing that: takes you off that place of mental noise.
You'll find that peace when you literally listen to your heartbeat at a low heart rate.
In that peace, you’ll find the correct answer. The answer to your quest. It's a kind of meditation.
Getting Better Every Day
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From Body&Soul!
Hey! I'm Eunice Veloso and you'll find more about me on my About Page
"In nature, nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed"
Antoine Lavoisier, 1789
The Law of the Conservation of Mass
