Are you? Planting the seeds and taking your time? Take time to know her/him.
A relationship is like a seeded plant. It develops in the dark, hidden. And only when the roots are strong enough and attached to the earth does it come out of the darkness and into the light.
We live in fast times: fast jobs, fast money, fast food, and fast relationships. A child takes nine months to be ready to be born; a plant develops in the dark for its’ necessary time to come to the light. Why would a relationship be any different?
This said: are you taking your time to know him/ her?
1.Take time to know her/him
Truth is: actually knowing someone is not easy.
Many put up a show even to themselves. The lie can be so intricate and engrained that even they get surprised when the real raw nature comes out.
In the age of the internet is easy to find a dating app that matches people according to some algorithm formula that calculates the probability of people having something in common.
This is ok: things in common make bonding easier. Fast times. Internet. Fast connections.
But let’s suppose you didn’t meet through the internet. Or maybe even if you did.
How well are you willing to really get to know a person?
Or is it just a matter of them meeting some sort of checklist of expectations? Normally by appearance?
Most of us act/react in a way of adapting to the environment we get. Others create the environment and condition others to adapt to it.
If we are energetic beings - as we are – we’re always dancing with the energy of others.
That means that our energy can be very well swaying all the time.
That means that before you decide something about someone: you should test the “energetic dance” between you and your person, the sway, in different contexts.
And by observing the other person's behavior as well as yours ( as both energies are dancing and swaying, and adapting and affecting each other’s): to make sure that what you are observing is not some put-up stage show.
That is: if you want the real thing to last. Whatever that is: friendship or love relationship.
When in “observatory mode” if you are actually just living the present moment, without expecting the other person to fit in some box you might have built in your mind, If you are present, without conditioning any outcome: you’ll feel.
And that’s all you need: feel what your body says and effectively listen to it. Because your body is an antenna. You’ll receive a lot of information about the other person. If what is said is true or not, if the person is hiding something or just faking it: you’ll feel it.
You feel. Then you’ll process. Then you’ll act accordingly.
So take time to know her/him, because things aren’t always what they seem. For better or worse. But if you trust your intuition, your gut (your 2nd brain): you’ll have better chances of seeing what’s beneath the appearance...
2. Things are not always what they seem: don’t assume anything
Don’t assume anything. Because people can be very surprised. For better or worse.
But allow yourself to be surprised in a good way: don’t assume anything.
Just be curious about your person of interest.
What is that of being curious? Well: you can always google them, right?
Avatars, fake profiles, image filters: any one can show up anyway they want.
Yes, you can google them, and social media them. But 2D is not like 3D (or 5D).
So be curious: in a safe way of course. Be curious and ask.
And being curious doesn’t mean being invasive or intrusive: it means making questions to learn about the person.
Show interest in wanting to know about the person, from that person.
If you’re not judgy or act like you expect the person to be in a certain way: you allow the person to feel confident in being themselves.
.And observe the little things: the eye contact, the body language, the little reactions to subjects, the coherence of what is said, and how long coherence maintains itself… You know: sometimes people say that their favorite kind of eggs is scrambled one week later they are saying omelets… Talk about coherence.
A person seems poised and when you get to know gets irritated at the bartender just because the coffee cup is too hot (as it wouldn’t cool somehow).
Just don’t assume anything. Not even from what you hear or see on social media. Just don’t assume and allow yourself to trust your own insights.
Be curious e and you might be pleasantly surprised. Or disappointed.
Either way: trust that you’ll know how to deal with it. Trust yourself.
3. Love is an awesome start. But is it enough?
You can have many sorts of personal relationships.
But if you want a love relationship: love has to be part of the recipe.
When love is not in the equation talking about love relationships is, to say the least, frivolous.
So things moved on, you get to know your person a little better, you think you’re in love, and want to deepen the relationship. You believe you’ve found your true companion.
But is love enough? To make a relationship work?
And let us say one thing right away: love might even be unconditional (it does have to be, but it can). But relationships aren’t.
There are some crucial points to consider in a relationship if you want it to work, pass the test of time, and activate yourself at a deep level. What would that be?
Values and vision.
You’re not supposed to lose yourself in a relationship: you want it to bring out the best in you.
That means that something must be kept integral: you and the other person, as individuals.
The relationship grows as an entity made out of both.
A relationship is a living energy structure: is the common space that two people create when they meet…
Some flexibility should happen: to create space for both you and the relationship itself to grow. But never at the expense of one's integrity and individuality.
Values will work like structure. Vision will work like glue.
None of this has to be stagnated: you can add new values, if you want the relationship to work and if it doesn’t collide with your core ones.
And the vision has to be shared: how else you are going to walk the same way together?
But it doesn’t have to be your way or her/his way: it can be the middle way.
That one way that serves both, the one that doesn’t compromise the individual purpose that each one of us has, that it doesn’t compromise anyone’s personal Ikigai (personal reason to live).
Getting Better Every Day
Loving Hugs
From Body&Soul!
Hey! I'm Eunice Veloso and you'll find more about me on my About Page
"In nature, nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed"
Antoine Lavoisier, 1789
The Law of the Conservation of Mass
