1.When you look at yourself in the mirror on the wall, what do you see?
Do you see a person you love? A person you’re proud of? Someone, you’d go out with?
How are the levels of self-love, in there? That "where" that nobody sees? That "when" that nobody is watching?
Yes, we all can wear masks, but in the end of the day: is you with you.
If not every day: at least some moment during a week, you’re with yourself. Naked soul. No masks.
Let’s suppose you just play hide and seek with others.
Let’s suppose you don’t play hide and seek with yourself. How are your levels of self-love levels? Self-love is key for mental health and well-being, keeping depression and anxiety away. Seem more about ways of cultivating self love in:
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321309
Everybody needs love. That includes self love.
2. Everybody needs love. Everybody wants to be appreciated by others.
Everybody needs love and everybody wants to be appreciated by others.
Problems occur when you overate “appreciated by others”.
By overrating I mean: being misled by your ego and make a collage between “being appreciated “ and” being loved”. Is not the same thing.
Your life has meaning when you serve others.
I agree with all that.
Yes: there’s a but. Boundaries.
Some people have problems setting boundaries.
Do you have problems setting boundaries?
3. Problems setting boundaries?
Boundaries. “What do you mean with boundaries?”
Some people have a huge necessity of approval. Is their way to feel loved. Or they won’t. Feel loved.
They understand that if there’s approval, it’s possible they will be loved in return. Which isn’t necessarily true.
And that search for approval goes from: “I like your dress/outfit” (“he/she might love me”) to “nice girl/boy, did exactly as I told you to” (“now he/she definitely gonna love me”).
The problem with external approval is that there’s no way to please everybody.
Fulfilling other people's needs doesn’t necessarily fill yours as well. Anxiety comes because a PP (people pleaser) is expecting to be rewarded by the pleased one. Most of the time - the demander is selfish: thank you and lets’ move to my next demand/need…
Frustration is the next step for the People Pleaser: because the outcome might not be near close to what that People Pleaser needs.
Are you in that wheel? How to get out of the wheel:
a) Know your self
Identify your values. People grow, people change. Is normal that some values remain, others no longer serve you. Take time to identify them. Some are obvious, others are less obvious.
There's more about this subject in this post: https://bodyandsoulbizz.co.uk/you-are-unique-as-unique-as-is-your-hierarchic-list-of-values/
b) Learn to say: NO.
With no guilt. The most effective no-answer is “Because I don’t want to”.
Yes: you should help others. Just make sure that by helping others you’re not hurting yourself, hurting some core value of yours. Evaluate what those needs of others are, how can you help, what can you do. Do what you can. But not because you want the "child to stop crying" or to "avoid the adult of being angry" at you. Do it: not to get their approval, not to receive love in return. Do it because You Want and because you can.
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/the-gentle-art-of-saying-no.html
c) Learn to love yourself.
Self Love is not selfish love. Self love teaches others how you wanna be loved. And if there´s no one else around: you can always count on Your Love.
Self-love goes beyond buying the little/big stuff (according to your wallet), to satisfy some quick pleasure and then go back to dissatisfaction. Self-love is a commitment to yourself. Is the acknowledge that you are a unique combination of genes, experiences, and dreams(goals?). And that makes you a special human being.
I know, it might be a little irritating to people who want to manipulate you, use you as a “useful idiot” or a “Pavlov's dog”, because you’re no longer serving their “cause”. Whatever might be. They will live.
And you go to bed with that feeling of :
“I honored my self today”
In theory, you should be loved by who you are. Yet, social matters force many to use masks. With mask or no mask, make sure that your real deepest needs are fed. For that knowledge, be aware of it, you need to consult yourself.
4. Consult Yourself
Have you been CONSULTING YOURSELF, to make sure you get an APPROVAL FROM YOU?
Are your real deepest needs being fed? Or are you just on the track to continuous dissatisfaction?
There are 4 areas in life that, if they are met, or reasonably fulfilled, if you manage to reach balance on them, you feel satisfied, you feel holistic well-being:
a) Health (exercise, make your check-up, eat enough vegs and fruits, avoid junk food or over-processed food)
b) Wealth (your work, your parallel income)
c) Self (improve on "brain food" - what you see, read, learn, improve on your looks if you feel is needed, do you favorite hooby)
d) Social (contact with family and friends)
I know, days sometimes are short for the amount of things that need to be done. Sometimes.
Just make sure that you find “room” in your day, to do one thing for each of these areas. Little or big. Each day.
Work to become, not to acquire.
- By Elbert Hubbard
References:
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321309
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/the-gentle-art-of-saying-no.html
