Crush, limerence, obsession, love

It’s No Longer A Crush … Has It Become An Obsession?

What is life without passion? Ah: It isn’t worth it… Love songs wouldn't exist, because passion would be absent.

The subject could be any passion. But it’s not. It’s about your crush… You  know, the symptoms of a quasi-obsession on that particular person:

  • The day after you’ve met him/her, life feels different and colorful and sparkling all over just because… You’ve met him/her;
  • You smile and whisper constantly, just because you’re thinking about your crush
  • If your crush is not with you, going to bed earlier is awesome because you get to be by yourself, thinking of him/her, with no one distracting you from your own personal metaphysical and psychological drug…
  • And if he/she is with you: you look at him/her as if you were in front of a god/goddess, such is the bliss…
  • All love songs seem to address especially for you and your "love disease"...

Recognize these symptoms? I’m sure you remember even if the memory is way back in your fluorescent adolescence… Or maybe not: maybe it’s more recent… Only you know!

Well… I guess we’ve all been there, with one or more personal nuances in the way this “insanity” expresses itself, using your body and your mind as if you were possessed by an alien spirit…

You get the picture.

Pretty normal.

How can you tell if the crush, that infatuation, if it’s an obsession prolonged in time or, if it has contours and what it takes to evolve to a relationship, quiçá, based on love?

Crush, Obsession Or Love?

This is not supposed to be an incursion on love” disorders, everyone has their own way of loving: but in fact, some “loves” are disorders…

Because some situations are so very disturbing to your day-to-day life and, might prevent you from having a healthy relationship with yourself and with others.

In these days of virtual insanity it wouldn’t surprise anyone that what used to be called  “love disturb”, would now rather common and no longer considered a disturb, but utterly faced as normal…

Might as well find out what all this means, and judge by yourself if you have something to worry about. Or not.

Has This Turned Into An Obsession?

So you have your crush, you might even get to the conclusion you have fallen in love.

At this point you must be asking yourself: has this turned into an obsession?

If you ask yourself this question, It’s daring to say, but fair enough: probably you are not. Being aware that something is a little off track, puts you in the right mental place: aware.

Personal point of view? If it inspires you to be creative in a constructive way if you can canalize all that energy into something … beautiful? Don’t think that’s a bad thing. Au contraire, my friend.

And it doesn't matter if they – the specialists - call it limerence, obsession, infatuation, whatever: it’s Lavoisier's law of energy in motion, transforming something beautiful into another something beautiful.

When Should You Be Worried?

Just to let you analyze freely every possibility, here are the definitions of:

Crush on someone: “to have a feeling of romantic love for someone, especially someone you do not know well”  (in Longman Dictionary)

Limerence: is a state of mind which results from romantic or non-romantic feelings for another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated. Limerence can also be defined as an involuntary state of intense desire” (In  Wikipedia)

It can last 3 months to 36 months: if you are with your lover often, it ends more quickly. If you don’t, it can last longer.


Infatuation: “the first stage of a relationship before developing into a mature intimacy (…) usually occurs at the start of relationships, is "...usually marked by a sense of excitement and euphoria, and it's often accompanied by lust and a feeling of newness and rapid expansion with a person" (in Wikipedia)

Obsessive love: “ Is a condition in which one person feels an overwhelming obsessive desire to possess and protect another person, sometimes with an inability to accept failure or rejection. Symptoms include an inability to tolerate any time spent without that person, obsessive fantasies surrounding the person, and spending inordinate amounts of time seeking out, making, or looking at images of that person (In Wikipedia)

Is this awakening any red flags of insanity out there? Don’t worry: you're not alone in this. After all, insanity is relative...

No shame to have either: if the feelings are there you better acknowledge them. Ignoring them won’t serve you any good.

On the other hand, you should worry if:

  • If it’s not transforming you into a better person, you don’t feel growth or need for growth;
  • If it gets you stuck. If you can’t get any satisfaction in anything;
  • If the only thing those feelings make you feel is frustration, besides the dopamine resulting from fantasizing;
  • If you’re developing those overwhelming obsessive feelings for people, that you only know through the internet, often strangers;
Insanity,Crush,Obsession, Love
  • If you know your crush-person and are not able to see flaws: your crush is All Perfection.
  • If you use your crush to avoid your personal insecurities and distract yourself from things that aren’t going well, and you simply want to avoid making necessary changes in your life.

Maybe you should give it thought from another perspective. Work on taking away the undercover of darkness.

It Might Be Love - And The Crush Evolves Beautifully Into Love

Might not be insanity. It might be love. Embrionary love.

Some studies indicate that the period of “infatuation” or “falling in love “ lasts 3 -4 months.

On a regular basis, by then you're supposed to see the other person as a human being: with flaws, as anyone else.

That’s when the first steps of the test of time will let you know if it was “just a crush” or if you are going to invest in a relationship if you want to discover more.

Let’s face it. Love is as powerful as hate. It’s a source of energy. In the name of it, love or hate, many great things are done. To build, to destroy. Good and bad things.

Love Gives You The Strength To Transform Pain Into Power

You can choose to have a relationship without passion. Love might not necessarily arise or grow.

You can choose to have a relationship with passion. Love might not necessarily arise or grow.

The only way that love shows up is the one that already exists within you: and the love you’ll see on others will be a reflection of your own.

Do you lack self-love? Your relationships will mirror that.

There is no such thing as unrequited love. Love is a too powerful magnetic energy to get lost in this universe moved by energy and frequencies.

In the so-called “unrequited love “there are  2 possibilities:

Possibility 1. It isn’t love. The person that says that loves is moved by some sort of obsession;

Possibility 2. It is love and it’s not unrequited: the person that says that “doesn’t love”, feels it but, for some reason, has no intention in acknowledging or fulfilling it in a relationship.

Relationships based on love imply acceptance. And trust is a must. And imply a construction.

It can come from a crush. From that moment that you start perceiving that other person as a human being, you see the flaws, but like them anyway. And you are willing to put up the effort to build a relationship.

Sometimes, for some reason, you are not willing to put in the work.

Bit if you are willing to put in the work, only then, love starts embryonated within the relationship.

Anyway, it all parts from you: you can only put love in a relationship if love already exists in you. And the quality of the relationship is always a reflection of the quality of love you have within you.

It’s true: sometimes people just do not inspire your love. It doesn’t click. No match on a limbic level. It’s up to you if you want to have a relationship based on love, or not.

But when they do inspire you love: it comes from you. It comes from yourself. Is the love that you already have inside, that hadn’t seen expression yet, until then. It's your personal shiny harvest moon.

And it can always improve. It always starts with the self.

Do you want a better relationship?

Do you want a better love relationship?

Improve your self-love and self-acceptance.

You’ll naturally attract people with that same frequency of yours or level up the frequency of the person you’re relating with: you can grow together into a better relationship.

Getting Better Every Day

Loving (Crush?) Hugs

From Body&Soul!

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